How to Be More Attractive: What You Can Change, in Order

To be more attractive, work on the things you control, in this order: wear clothes that fit, get your hair cut on a schedule instead of when it becomes a problem, sleep enough that you don't look and act tired, and stand like you're not apologizing for being in the room. That's the first month. The longer project is having a life with things going on in it, and being someone who talks about other people kindly. None of it requires a new face. Most guys skip straight to worrying about the stuff they can't change and never fix the stuff they can.

What makes a guy more attractive, honestly

Attraction is part looks and part what it's like to be around you. You have limited say over the first part and a lot of say over the second. The looks part also has more room in it than people assume, because "looks" in real life includes how you dress, how you carry yourself and whether you seem rested. A guy with an average face, a good haircut and a shirt that fits beats a better-looking guy in a stretched-out hoodie more often than you'd think.

One caveat before the list. Nothing here makes a specific person like you. Attraction is personal, and some women won't be into you no matter what you fix, the same way you aren't into everyone who's objectively great. The goal is to stop getting filtered out for reasons you could have handled, so the people who would like you actually get the chance.

What you can't change (and how much it matters)

Worth getting this out of the way, because it's where a lot of guys get stuck.

Height, bone structure, age, how fast your hairline goes: you've got what you've got. Some women filter on height on the apps, and that stings, but it's a filter you can't argue with and shouldn't try. Plenty of others don't care, or care much less once they've actually met you.

What you can control is how you handle each one. Shorter guys look better in clothes that fit closely (extra fabric makes everyone look smaller). Guys in their late 30s look better dressing like a grown man than like they're chasing 24. And if your hair is thinning, a short cut or a clean shave almost always beats holding onto what's left. Talk to your barber about it; they see this every day and will have an opinion.

The thing you really can't change is whether a particular woman is interested. If she's not, that's her call to make, and the most attractive thing you can do is take it well and move on. More on that below.

The order to work on things

Roughly sorted by how fast the payoff shows up and how little it costs. Start at the top.

1. Clothes that fit (this week)

This is the single fastest change, and it doesn't mean buying expensive clothes. It means the clothes you own match the body you have now.

Check what you wear most:

• Shirt shoulder seams should sit right at the edge of your shoulder, not halfway down your arm.
• T-shirt sleeves should end around mid-bicep and not flap.
• Pants should touch the top of your shoes with little or no bunching. If they pool at your ankles, get them hemmed.
• Nothing faded, pilled, stretched at the collar or with a stain you've decided nobody notices. They notice.

A neighborhood tailor or dry cleaner can hem pants and take in a shirt for less than most guys assume. Call and ask for a quote. A $30 shirt that's been taken in looks better than a $120 one that hangs off you.

If you're rebuilding from scratch, a handful of basics in neutral colors gets you most of the way: dark jeans with no rips, a couple of plain tees in solid colors, a button-down or two, an overshirt or light jacket, and clean shoes. White leather sneakers or simple boots cover most situations. For date-specific outfits, what to wear on a first date gets into it.

2. A haircut schedule (this week, then forever)

Most guys get a haircut when their hair starts bugging them. By then it's looked overgrown for two weeks.

For short hair, book every three to five weeks. Longer styles can stretch further, but still need a trim to keep the shape. The trick is to book the next appointment before you leave the chair, so it's on the calendar and not a decision you have to make later.

If you've had the same cut since high school, ask your barber directly: "What would you do with my hair if it were up to you?" Bring a couple of photos of cuts you like on guys with similar hair. And if you have a beard, keep the neckline clean between visits. A beard with edges looks deliberate. One without looks like you lost a bet.

The pre-date details (when to time a cut before a date, nose hair, nails, cologne) are all in the grooming checklist for men before a date, so I won't repeat them here.

3. Sleep (the next few weeks)

This one sounds like your mom wrote it. Still true.

The CDC recommends 7 or more hours a night for adults. Chronic short sleep shows up on your face (puffy eyes, dull skin) and, more noticeably, in how you act: shorter fuse, slower in conversation, less interested in anything. Nobody's attracted to a guy who seems like he's running on fumes and mild irritation.

Pick a bedtime and protect it for two weeks. Put your phone on the other side of the room. Cut the caffeine after about 2 p.m. If you consistently can't sleep even when you try, that's worth bringing up with a doctor rather than powering through.

4. Posture (ongoing, but cheap)

This means how you hold yourself when you're not thinking about it, so there's nothing to perform.

Most posture problems come from desks and phones: head forward, shoulders rolled in. It makes you look shorter, more tired and a little defensive. Some easy fixes:

• Raise your laptop or monitor so the top of the screen is at eye level.
• When you notice you're hunched, roll your shoulders up, back and down. Then forget about it.
• When you walk into a room, look up and around instead of at your phone.

Strength training helps here too, mostly upper back and core work. You don't need a specific body. A guy who lifts twice a week for a year carries himself differently, and he also tends to sleep better and feel better, which loops back into point 3.

5. A life with stuff going on (months, and the one that matters most)

This is the slow one, and it's the biggest factor on the list.

Picture two guys on a first date. One works, goes home and watches whatever's on. The other works, plays in a Tuesday rec volleyball league he's bad at, is halfway through teaching himself to make decent tortillas, and is planning a camping weekend at Big Bend with his brother. Same face. The second guy is easier to talk to, has more to say, and seems like someone you'd want to spend a Saturday with. He's also not waiting on a date to make his week good, and that shows.

You don't need impressive hobbies. You need a few things you actually do, regularly, that you'd talk about even if nobody asked. Some places to start:

• A recurring thing with other people: rec league, climbing gym, run club, a community choir, a volunteer shift.
• A thing you're learning that you're currently mediocre at. Mediocre is great; it's where the funny stories come from.
• Friends you see on purpose, not just when it happens to work out.
• Small plans on the calendar, even if it's just a new Thai place on Friday.

Bonus: a lot of these put you around new people, which is half of meeting women without needing an app at all. Just don't join a pottery class purely to scout. People can tell, and it makes the class weird for everyone.

6. How you talk about other people (always)

Probably the most underrated item here, and it costs nothing.

On a date, the way you talk about your coworkers, your ex, your friends, your server, and other women tells her how you'll eventually talk about her. If every story has a villain, she notices. If you're snide to the bartender, she definitely notices.

Some honest checks:

• Can you talk about your ex in one neutral sentence and move on? "We wanted different things, it ended about a year ago" is plenty. Ten minutes on how she ruined everything is a red flag, even if she did.
• Do you complain about your job, or describe it? A bit of venting is human. Twenty minutes of it is a monologue.
• Do your friends come off well in your stories? Talking up the people in your life makes you look good by association.
• Are you curious about her people too? Asking about her cousin's wedding drama is more interesting to her than you'd expect.

How you talk about yourself counts as well. Constant self-deprecation gets old fast, and so does bragging. Aim for the middle: say what you do and what you're into, plainly, without apologizing or performing.

How to be more attractive to women specifically

Everything above applies to anyone. A few things matter extra once you're actually talking to someone, whether on Hinge or in person.

Be interested in her more than impressive to her. Ask follow-up questions. Remember what she said about her rough week and ask about it next time. Listening well is rare enough that it stands out. How to impress a girl has more on this, with date-night examples.

Be clear. If you like her, ask her out with a specific plan: "Want to get a drink at that bar with the shuffleboard table on Thursday?" Vague "we should hang out sometime" messages put all the work on her. How to ask a girl out has wording for this.

Follow through. Show up when you said, text when you said, book the table. Reliability is weirdly attractive because it's less common than it should be.

Have a sense of humor about yourself. Laughing when you spill your drink is more appealing than pretending it didn't happen.

Reading interest, and taking a no

You'll get a sense of whether she's into it: she asks you questions back, suggests times, keeps the conversation going. You'll also get a sense when she's not: short replies, no questions, "maybe sometime" with no follow-up, or a plain "I don't think we're a match."

A no, or a soft no, is an answer. Don't argue it, don't ask her to explain, and don't try again in a week with a better line. A short, friendly reply ("No worries, thanks for letting me know. Good luck out there.") and then you actually let it go. If she's unmatched or stopped replying, leave it alone completely.

Taking a no well is part of being attractive in the long run. It's also just basic decency. If the rejections are piling up and it's getting to you, how to handle rejection on dating apps is worth a read.

What to skip

There's a whole corner of the internet selling attraction tricks. Most of it ranges from useless to gross.

Skip anything that's about managing her reactions instead of being someone she'd want to be around: rehearsed body-language moves, mirroring her on purpose, deliberately slow replies, backhanded compliments, acting like you have other options lined up. Even when this stuff "works," it works on the people you'd least want to date, and it teaches you to treat a date like a test you're trying to cheat on.

I'd also skip big appearance overhauls done all at once. A new wardrobe, a radical haircut and a cologne you've never worn, all in one weekend, usually just makes you feel like you're wearing a costume. Change one thing, live with it for a couple of weeks, then do the next.

And skip expensive fixes before the cheap ones are done. Veneers, hair transplants and a $400 jacket might have their place for some guys, but not before your pants are hemmed and you're sleeping seven hours.

A realistic 90-day plan

If you want a schedule, this is a sane one:

• Weeks 1–2: Go through your closet. Get rid of or tailor anything that doesn't fit. Get a good haircut and book the next one. Set a bedtime.
• Weeks 3–6: Fill gaps in the basics (a pair of jeans that fits, a couple of shirts, clean shoes). Start lifting or some regular exercise twice a week. Fix your desk setup.
• Weeks 7–12: Sign up for one recurring thing with other people. Make one plan with a friend every week. Pay attention to how you talk about people, and catch yourself when every story has a bad guy.

After that, keep going. The clothes and haircut stuff become maintenance. The life stuff keeps compounding.

Results won't be instant, and nobody can promise you specific outcomes. What you'll probably notice first is that you feel better walking into a room. That tends to show, and it's a decent place to start. The rest of the confidence section goes deeper on that part.

FAQ

Can you actually become more attractive, or is it all genetics?

Genetics set a range. Where you land inside that range depends a lot on fit, grooming, fitness, sleep and how you act around people. Most guys are nowhere near the top of their own range, and that gap is the part you can move.

Do I need to get in shape to be more attractive?

It helps, partly for how you look and mostly for how you carry yourself and feel. You don't need abs. Regular exercise you can stick with beats an intense plan you quit in three weeks.

Does money make you more attractive?

Spending money doesn't fix much on its own. Clothes that fit, a decent haircut and a plan for Friday night cost less than people think. Being stable and having your life reasonably together matters more than what any of it costs.