How to Ask a Girl Out in Person (Exact Words to Use)

To ask a girl out, say plainly that you'd like to take her out, attach one specific plan with a day, and then let her answer without filling the silence. Something like "I've liked talking to you. Would you want to get tacos with me Thursday after work?" That's a date, it has a plan, and she can say yes or no in one breath. Most of the work is picking a decent moment (when she's relaxed and can leave easily) and taking whatever she says well. Below: exact wording by situation, when to hold off (coworkers, classmates, the gym), and what to do with a yes, a maybe or a no.

What to actually say

The ask has two parts. First, a short line that makes it clear you're asking for a date and aren't recruiting for your fantasy football league. Second, a concrete plan she can picture.

I'd like to take you out sometime. Are you free for a drink Thursday?

This might be out of nowhere, but I've really enjoyed talking to you. Want to get coffee with me this weekend? There's a place on 5th with good cold brew.

Can I take you to dinner? I've been wanting to try that ramen spot that just opened. Maybe Saturday?

Notice what's missing. No speech about how you've been thinking about this for weeks. No joke cushioning the question so it could be passed off as a joke if she says no. And no "we should hang out sometime," which is the most common way men ask without asking. It gives her nothing to say yes to, and it lets you both pretend nothing happened, which is the real reason people say it.

Keep the plan small. Coffee, a drink, tacos, a walk with something to look at. An hour, maybe $15–40. A small plan is easier to agree to, and if it goes well you can stretch it out. Stuck for options? Try these first date ideas.

Then stop talking. This is the hard part. You'll feel an urge to add "no pressure, totally fine if not, I just thought, you know..." while she's still opening her mouth. Let her answer.

If you've only just met her

Say you've been talking to someone at a friend's birthday party for twenty minutes, she's funny, the conversation is easy, and you'd like to see her again. You don't have a lot of shared history to lean on, so the ask is mostly about getting a way to follow up.

I've had a really good time talking to you. Could I get your number and take you out for a drink next week?

I have to head out soon, but I'd like to see you again. Can I get your number?

The second one skips the specific plan, and that's fine here. You can make the plan over text the next day. (The texting side is covered in how to ask a girl out over text.)

If you already know her

When you've known her a while, through a class, a running club, a mutual friend, the risk flips. She already likes you as a person. What she may not know is that you mean a date. So be more explicit than feels natural.

Okay, I'm going to just say it. I like you, and I'd like to take you on a date. Would you want to get dinner Friday?

I know we always see each other at Sunday runs, but I'd like to see you somewhere other than mile four. Want to get brunch with me next weekend? Like, as a date.

"Like, as a date" is clunky. It's also the clearest four words you'll say all month, and clunky is fine.

How to ask a girl to hang out (and why "hang out" causes trouble)

Plenty of people search for how to ask a girl to hang out because "date" feels like a big word. Fair. The problem is that "hang out" is ambiguous on purpose, and she has to guess which kind of hang you mean. Some women will say yes to what they think is a friend thing and feel ambushed later. Some will say no to what they think is a friend thing because they're busy, when they'd have said yes to a date.

You can use casual wording and still be clear:

Want to get a drink with me sometime? Just the two of us. I like you.

I'd like to hang out with you, and I mean date-hang-out, not group-hang-out. Thursday?

If you actually do just want to be friends, great, say "hang out" and mean it. If you're hoping it turns into something, say so now. Getting a clear no in week one is much better than a confusing friendship with a secret in it.

When the setting changes the rules

Where you know her matters more than what you say. In some places she can say no and walk away. In others she has to see you every day, and that makes no expensive for her. The more often she'll see you afterward, the surer you should be, and the easier you should make no.

A coworker

Be more careful here than anywhere else.

Don't ask out anyone you manage, anyone who manages you, or anyone whose work you review. Not even once. Check your company's policy on dating coworkers, too. Some require disclosure, and some ban it within the same team.

If she's a peer in a different part of the company and you've become friendly over months, one low-key ask is reasonable. Do it outside work, or at least away from other people, and not by Slack:

This is totally separate from work, and if the answer's no, it stays that way and nothing changes. Would you want to get a drink with me sometime?

One ask. If she says no or gives a vague answer, that's the answer, permanently. Don't bring it up again at the holiday party after two beers.

Someone in your class

Classes are fine for asking someone out, with timing caveats. If she's your lab partner for the next twelve weeks, asking in week two means a potentially awkward semester for both of you. Asking near the end of a term, or after the final, costs her much less.

Now that the exam's over, I can admit I've wanted to ask you out all semester. Want to get coffee this week?

Don't ask if you're her TA, her tutor, or anyone grading her. Same reason as the manager rule.

Someone in your friend group

The concern here is splash damage. If it goes badly, the group feels it. That's no reason to never try, since plenty of couples met through friends. Just ask privately (not at the group dinner, with six people pretending not to listen) and make it clear the friendship stays fine either way.

Can I ask you something kind of separate from the group? I like you, and I'd like to take you out. If you're not into it, totally fine, and I'm not going to make Friday poker night weird.

Then don't make poker night weird.

At the gym

Mostly, don't. Women go to the gym to work out, they're often in headphones on purpose, and many of them have had men interrupt their sets enough times to be sick of it. The gym is also a place she has to come back to, sometimes at the same time every week.

The exception: if you've actually gotten to know her over time (you chat between sets most Tuesdays, she starts the conversations sometimes, you know her name and she knows yours), a single ask at the end of a workout, when she's leaving anyway, is okay.

Hey, before you go. I always like talking to you here. Would you want to get a smoothie or a coffee sometime, outside the gym?

If she's mid-set, in headphones, or looks like she's concentrating on not dropping something heavy, it's not the moment. If you've never talked before, it's not the moment either.

At a bar, a party or a show

This is the easiest setting because everyone is there partly to talk to people, and she can leave the conversation any time. The main rule: don't ask someone who's had a lot to drink, and don't ask anyone who's clearly trying to wrap up the conversation.

Is this a good moment?

You don't need certainty that she likes you before asking. That's what the question is for. But a few signs make a yes more likely and a no less awkward: she keeps the conversation going without you doing all the work, she asks you questions back, she brings up things you said earlier, she seems in no hurry to leave. If you want a longer list, read signs a girl likes you.

Signs it's a bad moment: she keeps glancing at her friends, she's giving short answers, she mentioned a boyfriend (believe her, whether or not it's literally true), she's working (a barista being nice to you is doing her job), or she's trying to get somewhere.

If those signs are there, don't ask. Wish her a good night. Skipping a bad moment is a decision too.

What to do with her answer

She says yes

Lock in the details right then, while you're both standing there. This is where a lot of guys lose a yes: they get so relieved they forget to make it real.

Great. Thursday at 7, that taco place on Elm? Can I get your number so I can send you the address?

Then text her the plan within a day so it's in writing. Something short like "Hey, it's [name] from the party. Tacos Thursday at 7 at the place on Elm, looking forward to it." Don't bombard her before the date. One confirming text, maybe one the day of.

She says maybe, or "I'm busy that week"

A maybe can go two ways. Sometimes she's honestly busy and wants to go. Sometimes it's a polite no, because saying no to someone's face is uncomfortable. You can't tell which from the words alone, so give her an easy path to yes and let her take it or not.

No worries. Let me give you my number, and you can text me if a day works better.

Totally get it. If you're up for it some other time, let me know.

Then the ball is in her court, and you leave it there. If she suggests another day herself ("I can't Thursday, but what about Sunday?"), that's a yes. If she just says "maybe, we'll see," treat it as a no for now and don't ask again. A woman who wants to go out with you will usually make the next move when you've handed her one.

She says no

Say something short and kind, and change the subject or leave.

Okay, thanks for being straight with me. Good luck with the marathon.

No problem at all. I'm glad I asked.

You don't need to say more than that. Don't ask why. Don't ask if it's because of something you did, or if she might change her mind, or if she's sure. Don't say "I was kidding." Don't bring up how much courage it took. Each of those puts her in charge of managing your feelings, and she didn't sign up for that.

Take the no as her answer, full stop. Reading it as an opening bid or as "playing hard to get" is how decent guys end up being the story she tells her friends. Asking again in two weeks, getting a mutual friend to put in a word, or showing up where you know she'll be all turn a clean no into something that makes her uncomfortable.

Hearing no stings for a day or two. That's normal and it fades. It helps to remember that one person's no mostly tells you about her preferences at that moment. Our post on handling rejection on dating apps is written for apps, but most of it applies offline too.

How to stay normal around her after a no

If she's a coworker, classmate, gym regular or friend, you'll see her again. Probably soon. The goal is for her to never regret being honest with you.

• Next time you see her, say hi like you would have before you asked. Same tone, same volume. Don't overdo the friendliness to prove you're fine, and don't go cold either.
• Don't bring it up. Not as a joke, not as "hey, sorry if that was awkward." If she brings it up, keep it short: "Honestly, it's all good."
• Give her a little more space than usual for a week or two. Don't seek her out, but don't avoid rooms she's in.
• Don't ask her friends or your mutual friends what she said about it.
• Don't post vague stuff online about rejection. She'll see it.

If you find you can't be around her without it hurting, it's fine to quietly step back from the friendship for a while. Less available is fine. Cold isn't. She shouldn't have to feel responsible for how you feel.

Handle a no well and the awkwardness is usually gone in a couple of weeks. People remember the guy who asked once, took the answer and stayed decent about it. They also remember the other guy.

A few things that make asking easier

Ask earlier than you think you should. The longer you wait, the bigger the question gets in your head, and the more it feels like a confession. Asking after the third good conversation is easier on both of you than asking after the thirtieth.

Practice the sentence out loud a couple of times, alone. It sounds silly. It also means the words come out in the right order when your heart rate is doing something unhelpful.

Ask in person when you can, or by text when that's the normal channel between you. Don't ask through a friend. Don't ask in front of an audience. A grand public gesture puts her on the spot, and saying no in front of people is harder than saying it privately, which is exactly why it's unfair.

And keep your expectations about any single ask modest. Some will be yeses, more will be nos, and none of that tells you much on its own. Asking clearly and taking the answer well is the part you control. If the asking itself is what freezes you up, there's more on that in the confidence section.